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A Year of Starcraft II

Nightmare

I had this dream last night that was both hilarious and terrifying:

I was apparently competing in an SC2 tournament, on the stage.  I could hear casters talking about the match as we started up.  I don’t remember who was playing or who was casting, but I was completely and utterly terrified.  Everybody around me was staring at me as the game started up.  Hands shaking, I missed the drone split and sent a group way, way off and didn’t catch it quickly.  I heard the casters laughing and making fun of the play.  “Oh, well, isn’t he pro,” etc.  As the game went on, it was constant comments like that in my ear.  “Who is this guy?”  “What is he doing?”  Everyone in the audience was laughing as my opponent reamed me.  Strangely, the last thing I can remember is a caster saying, “Naniwa, lol.” (in reference to a picture of JP’s notes I saw in a picture on reddit).  I woke up laughing from the final comment and with a definite case of performance anxiety.

I’m still in that place where I’m not sure what I’m doing is making a difference.  Focusing on overlords this week has helped.  I’ve gotten my own little schedule down into a focus on one thing for a day, then play to win the next day.  It helps, keeps the focus fresh in my mind, but doesn’t let me wander like I do if I try to work on one thing for a week.  I already have less of an issue with this, but I am worried that shifting my focus will once again move this into a problem area.  Someone had asked in comments if it was a problem, and I am sure it is.  It was every third game or so an attack would be coming and I’d be blocked, with plenty of minerals and larvae.  I know it’s an issue and because of my day on/day off training, I’m going to keep at it for a while.  I’ve lost these little things along the way, and I’m not going to improve if I don’t fix them.

I haven’t streamed much lately, partly because I’m playing at later times and partly because of how bad I feel at how crap I still am.  It makes it harder to just enjoy myself when I think about people watching, especially when nothing is said and I have a truly horrible game.  Perhaps it’s those feelings that led to the dream.  I will at least stream a couple times a week, at varying times, but am going to stay on this little mini break from streaming.

It’s been suggested that I post replays here, for some comments on my play and what I can improve.  I will do this for my next post, in a couple of days.  I’ll gather the games where I both thought I did things well and poorly.  I think a pack of four, one vs each class and a stand out game.

Until then, GLHR.

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5 responses to “Nightmare

  1. Azzu January 21, 2012 at 5:56 am

    Wow, you really seem to think you disappoint your viewers or something by playing bad… you have to get that dumb thought out of your mind.
    We’re here to see your dedication to the game (but tbh I can only speak for myself) and you having fun with it. It looked like improving your game was fun for you, and I guess it still is, but it seems you’re having way less fun than before because you somehow think that we judge you because you haven’t improved *enough*?
    I’m pretty sure noone thinks that, except maybe you.
    All I can say is, keep at it. You just do what you want to do, noone of us judges you or anything, we all support you. Don’t let your mind tell you stupid shit.

  2. Poonchow January 22, 2012 at 12:35 am

    If you ever get the opportunity to play at an MLG or even local tournament (but MLG would be the best) it is an absolutely surreal experience. I went to MLG Orlando this year, as a Diamond player (and I think there were 8 Koreans plus a buttload of insanely good foreigners) I had no expectations of winning a game. I went for the experience, and I have zero ladder anxiety now. I can press find match and think of every game as an objective set of decisions. Just being around these guys that can drop everything and focus on a single match with crowds gathering behind them… it just takes balls of steel. It put everything in perspective. The game is a joke unless you are playing to improve or playing for money, so you have nothing to lose and everything to gain. I love it.

  3. kaltori January 22, 2012 at 10:53 am

    Everybody, and I mean everybody hits a wall at some point. One thing to keep in mind going forward is that the Blizzard matchmaker is TRYING to make you 50/50 wins to losses. Everybody had bad days, everybody has bad slumps, everybody hits a point where they feel they are doing everything right and just can’t seem to advance on the ladder. The key is to not let it discourage you and to keep hitting that find match button. Eventually, maybe even seemingly randomly, you will break through that wall and go on a tear into Platinum. Then guess what, you’ll hit a wall again until something else changes or improves and then the cycle begins again. If Starcraft 2 were easy it would be any other game.

    I will say this, I was top of my league Platinum about 4 months ago and stopped playing for a while. Came back to the game, demoted to gold and got extremely discouraged. Been playing like crazy for a week or two now and have risen to top of my league gold and let me tell you, top of gold is harder than top of platinum was 4 months ago. People are playing better overall and 90% of my games are intense back and forth matches.

    Try not to focus on winning so much as just improving. So what if you are a “gold level player”, as Azzu said everyone is focused on watching you enjoy the game which we all love so dearly, not destroy the ladder and take every nerds ladder points.

    Get back on the ladder, play a crap ton more games and YOU WILL IMPROVE. Just keep in mind that everyone else that is playing the game consistantly is improving as well.

    GL and HR 🙂

  4. Namaztak January 23, 2012 at 8:18 am

    Things I can think of that could maybe help:

    Do weird shit that you haven’t been doing. Yes, it will lose you a bunch of games, but you’ll get a better understanding of things while you’re doing it if you’re paying attention at all. Things like mass queens or mass infestors or pure ling or other dumb stuff that shouldn’t really work.

    Lose games by making as many drones as you can before you just die. Dial back a bit from there.

    Get your hands on a bronze account just to put your improvements into perspective. If you haven’t played at least one bronze player since you got into gold/plat, do it. It feels good to know how far you’ve come even just between the leagues. Probably doesn’t feel good for them, but whatever.

    Macro your ass off to max out in about 15 minutes. (This one is a good one to use on the bronze players)

    Learn and use the backspace trick if you haven’t already.

    And like that other guy said, those of us that aren’t retarded trolls don’t give half a fuck how good you think you need to be to impress us. We’re happy that you’re playing the game. We’re even happier to know that you enjoy it, when you do :P.

    Oh, and the first season GSL VODs are free. Go back and watch those, and look how terrible people were back then. Even in the finals, there are tons of holes in the play of both players to be seen. Even the pros are improving all the time. You are not contractually obligated to perform at the tip top of even your own league division, let alone the best in the world.

    -IMHappyfOu.765

    TEMPS HWAITIIIIING!!!!

  5. Joel January 31, 2012 at 1:19 pm

    Looking forward to those replays, keep at it man. I just got my promotion to gold and also wondering how I can keep going without a plateau. Perhaps that will be inevitable. In any case, keep what you’re doing. It’s really cool to watch someone dedicate themselves to something and not give up, no matter how “bad” you think you’re doing. I think you’re doing a great thing.

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