Still Here

I’m sorry for the lack of updates here, it’s been a rough couple of weeks.  I think it’s strange how much external factors effect my play, but along with the shitload of personal things I’m dealing with, I’ve really been crapping out in game lately.  Still mid-level gold, haven’t even moved up much.  It gets harder and harder each day to start the stream and play for hours at a time.  If I’m not streaming, it’s somewhat easier, perhaps because I’m not worried about people seeing how crap I’m playing.  I am still loving Starcraft, watching Dailies and Gom, but I guess I’m upset with myself at how much I suck.  There have been a some bright days, where I’ll win five or six in a row, but those are few and far between.

I’ve tried to get advice, from one GM player and another Diamond, I think it was.   I feel like I’m missing something.  And I told those players that.  It feels like there’s something in the game, that I’m not doing correctly and that’s what is screwing up my play.  But no one can pinpoint one thing.  Maybe it’s not even one thing.  The answer I’ve gotten is just, “Play more.  You’ll learn.”  I have to say it’s kind of disheartening.  I want to be better.  I can’t say I’ve learned everything (I know I haven’t), but I do know what to look for and what should be coming when for the most part.  I know what the units can do, the muscle memory is there for every single hotkey I have, I have builds I use for specific match-ups, I alter those builds based on what I see coming.  And still I lose.  I am hovering around 50% win rate (using SC2 gears, over all of my games since I started).  Perhaps I’m just a gold level player.

Reading over this, I sound really stupid and whiny, thinking there’s one thing that could make me a better player.  It is really all of the little mistakes adding up to equal crap play.  Missing an overlord here, my army being out of position there, not droning when I could, making drones when I shouldn’t, and all of those things tip the game further and further in my opponent’s favor.  It’s the small things that I’m sucking at and need work.  Instead of being disheartened, I need to pick one and work on it for a week, then pick another, then go back to the first, and repeat.  This is how getting better works, I can’t just keep playing and expect to magically get better. I have gotten out of that mindset and into the entitled, “I should be better than this,” bullshit mindset.  That doesn’t work.

Overlords.  I won’t miss a goddamn overlord.  I will focus so hard on this, I will lose games.  That is my goal this week.

Thanks to those who left comments asking me where I was.  I needed to come back here and actually think about what’s going on.  Through it all, having to write this blog and actually think about what I’m doing has been the biggest help.  Without that, I’m just playing with myself (:O).

GLHR!