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A Year of Starcraft II

Monthly Archives: January 2012

Nightmare

I had this dream last night that was both hilarious and terrifying:

I was apparently competing in an SC2 tournament, on the stage.  I could hear casters talking about the match as we started up.  I don’t remember who was playing or who was casting, but I was completely and utterly terrified.  Everybody around me was staring at me as the game started up.  Hands shaking, I missed the drone split and sent a group way, way off and didn’t catch it quickly.  I heard the casters laughing and making fun of the play.  “Oh, well, isn’t he pro,” etc.  As the game went on, it was constant comments like that in my ear.  “Who is this guy?”  “What is he doing?”  Everyone in the audience was laughing as my opponent reamed me.  Strangely, the last thing I can remember is a caster saying, “Naniwa, lol.” (in reference to a picture of JP’s notes I saw in a picture on reddit).  I woke up laughing from the final comment and with a definite case of performance anxiety.

I’m still in that place where I’m not sure what I’m doing is making a difference.  Focusing on overlords this week has helped.  I’ve gotten my own little schedule down into a focus on one thing for a day, then play to win the next day.  It helps, keeps the focus fresh in my mind, but doesn’t let me wander like I do if I try to work on one thing for a week.  I already have less of an issue with this, but I am worried that shifting my focus will once again move this into a problem area.  Someone had asked in comments if it was a problem, and I am sure it is.  It was every third game or so an attack would be coming and I’d be blocked, with plenty of minerals and larvae.  I know it’s an issue and because of my day on/day off training, I’m going to keep at it for a while.  I’ve lost these little things along the way, and I’m not going to improve if I don’t fix them.

I haven’t streamed much lately, partly because I’m playing at later times and partly because of how bad I feel at how crap I still am.  It makes it harder to just enjoy myself when I think about people watching, especially when nothing is said and I have a truly horrible game.  Perhaps it’s those feelings that led to the dream.  I will at least stream a couple times a week, at varying times, but am going to stay on this little mini break from streaming.

It’s been suggested that I post replays here, for some comments on my play and what I can improve.  I will do this for my next post, in a couple of days.  I’ll gather the games where I both thought I did things well and poorly.  I think a pack of four, one vs each class and a stand out game.

Until then, GLHR.

Still Here

I’m sorry for the lack of updates here, it’s been a rough couple of weeks.  I think it’s strange how much external factors effect my play, but along with the shitload of personal things I’m dealing with, I’ve really been crapping out in game lately.  Still mid-level gold, haven’t even moved up much.  It gets harder and harder each day to start the stream and play for hours at a time.  If I’m not streaming, it’s somewhat easier, perhaps because I’m not worried about people seeing how crap I’m playing.  I am still loving Starcraft, watching Dailies and Gom, but I guess I’m upset with myself at how much I suck.  There have been a some bright days, where I’ll win five or six in a row, but those are few and far between.

I’ve tried to get advice, from one GM player and another Diamond, I think it was.   I feel like I’m missing something.  And I told those players that.  It feels like there’s something in the game, that I’m not doing correctly and that’s what is screwing up my play.  But no one can pinpoint one thing.  Maybe it’s not even one thing.  The answer I’ve gotten is just, “Play more.  You’ll learn.”  I have to say it’s kind of disheartening.  I want to be better.  I can’t say I’ve learned everything (I know I haven’t), but I do know what to look for and what should be coming when for the most part.  I know what the units can do, the muscle memory is there for every single hotkey I have, I have builds I use for specific match-ups, I alter those builds based on what I see coming.  And still I lose.  I am hovering around 50% win rate (using SC2 gears, over all of my games since I started).  Perhaps I’m just a gold level player.

Reading over this, I sound really stupid and whiny, thinking there’s one thing that could make me a better player.  It is really all of the little mistakes adding up to equal crap play.  Missing an overlord here, my army being out of position there, not droning when I could, making drones when I shouldn’t, and all of those things tip the game further and further in my opponent’s favor.  It’s the small things that I’m sucking at and need work.  Instead of being disheartened, I need to pick one and work on it for a week, then pick another, then go back to the first, and repeat.  This is how getting better works, I can’t just keep playing and expect to magically get better. I have gotten out of that mindset and into the entitled, “I should be better than this,” bullshit mindset.  That doesn’t work.

Overlords.  I won’t miss a goddamn overlord.  I will focus so hard on this, I will lose games.  That is my goal this week.

Thanks to those who left comments asking me where I was.  I needed to come back here and actually think about what’s going on.  Through it all, having to write this blog and actually think about what I’m doing has been the biggest help.  Without that, I’m just playing with myself (:O).

GLHR!